


Changes

by Chelseylovesllamas



Category: The Walking Dead, Twd - Fandom
Genre: AU, High School, High School AU, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-04 19:55:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6673486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelseylovesllamas/pseuds/Chelseylovesllamas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: this chapter gets dark quick.</p></blockquote>





	1. Brothers

Daryl and Rick have been mismatched best friends ever since second grade. Rick was outgoing, confident, and easy to talk to. Daryl was the exact opposite. Rick kept asking where Daryl got all his bruises and wouldn't let up until Daryl got fed up and just told him. Rick was the first person he reluctantly told that didn't stop talking to him or make fun of him. Rick didn't try to fix him either, he just kind of nodded and every once in awhile he would ask if Daryl was okay. Rick would sit with him at lunch and in class when no one else would because Rick didn't care that his cloths weren't brand new or that his family wasn't exactly white picket fence and that was putting it lightly. Rick try's to be friends with anyone, from Glenn the smartest kid in class to Maggie, the country girl who doesn't leave the house without her cowboy boots.

Daryl was always super quiet and held back around anyone else but when it was just him and Rick he would joke, smile, and actually come out of his shell a little bit. Rick was the only one that knew the real Daryl. Daryl still got in trouble at school a lot, bullies wouldn't leave him alone or people would just stare and make comments about his family or appearance. Rick did his best to play mediator because he knew it wasn't Daryls fault. Rick was well liked by teacher and students so when he jumped in things usually got smoothed over. Rick actually wanted to be a police officer after he graduated. Daryl thought that would be a good fit for him, he still poked fun at him and called him officer friendly. Every once in awhile tho someone wouldn't back off and it usually ended up in a fight. Rick and Daryl both knew it would be bad news at home for Daryl if his dad got called by the school or even worse if he had to come in. So they both did the best they could to avoid it. The teachers treated Daryl like shit, they had his brother in class before him so before they were even introduced they saw the name Dixon and it was over. They already thought he was a piece of shit before they laid eyes on him. 

Daryl had never been in a romantic relationship, hell hes only had one friend his whole life. After he saw how hurt Rick was after Laurie cheated on him in seventh grade with his second best friend Shane, he did his best to steer clear of anything even remotely close. Rick was an only child and Daryl was basically an only child ever sense his brother Merle dropped out of school and left town. Merle was usually in jail or doing some sketchy shit about to land in jail. So needless to say they weren't super close. Rick and Daryl were brothers in every sense of the word. Rick was the only person Daryl could talk to, confide in, trust, he was all Daryl had. 

Daryls dad was a piece of shit in every way possible. Every time Daryl missed school Rick knew it was because he was beat up too bad so he decided to just say fuck it and sleep in that day. Rick tried to talk him into telling someone a few times but Daryl begged him to stay out of it. He finally dropped it after Daryl threatened to quit hangin around Rick. Rick didn't know if he would follow through with it or not but he didn't want to lose him. 

Rick would do anything he could to help Daryl, from sneaking him food at night out his window to giving him a place to stay when he knew it would be bad at home. Most of the time his dad spent most of his check on alcohol, drugs, or gambling. He rarely bought food and when he did it only lasted a few days. Daryl was always super thin and looked pale. He let it slip one time that he was gone for a week and no one noticed, Rick got all serious and told him not to do that again. That he was always welcome to come over to his house no matter what. Daryl just nodded his head and changed the subject. Ricks parents never brought it up but they knew he would sneak Daryl in. They knew what his home life was like, it was a small town and people talk. They would make extra food when they could and always made sure he had extra blankets and pillows in his room. In the winter Daryl would stay over a lot, since his dad rarely paid for the heat to stay on. 

One night while Daryl was staying over ricks house when they were in the eighth grade, mostly because he knew his dad would be wasted. It was the beginning of the month so he just got paid, which meant as much alcohol as he could ever need in a week would be consumed within a few hours. The more he drank the angrier at Daryl he got. So Daryl knew it was safer to stay away on these days. Rick and Daryl would hang out, read comics, maybe watch tv if they could find something worth watching. Daryl was flipping through the TV guide when he noticed Rick staring at him.  
"Wha?" Daryl said looking back at the tv.  
"Nothin" Rick said trying to focus on the tv too.  
"No say it" Daryl said.  
"It's just, do you think michonne is hot?"  
"Yea I guess" Daryl mumbled.  
"I think I like her, we've been friends for awhile tho. What if I fuck it up? I mean she's so pretty and smart and easy to talk too and I really care about her" Rick explained.  
"Well ask 'er out, she probably likes ya too" Daryl commented.  
"Maybe. Do you like anyone?" Rick questioned.  
"Nah." Daryl answered.  
"Why not?"  
"Jus don't. Can we talk about something else?" He throws the remote at Rick "here find something for us to watch." He hoped Rick would just drop it. Needless to say Rick doesn't give up that easy.  
"But Daryl you've never had a girlfriend, you don't like anyone? Maybe I can set you up or ask michonne if she knows anyone. She probably has nice friends I mea.." Daryl interrupted him "just drop it okay!"  
"But Daryl I don't know what it would hurt, maybe we can double da.." Daryl had had enough and was getting frustrated. He just blurted out "I don't like girls okay!". Not much shut Rick up but that confession sure did. "What do you mean Daryl?"  
Daryl took a deep breath and quickly regretted his out burst. "Nothin, forget it."  
"Daryl please just talk to me". "Fine, maybe I like guys. I've never been much interested in girls. Sorry. Do you want me to leave? I can leave you alone. I'm just gonna go. Bye". Daryl got up and started to put his shoes back on, his face red from embarrassment.  
"No, you don't have to leave! There's nothin wrong with that. I ain't gonna stop being friends with you or anything. You're still my brother no matter who you like or don't like".  
Daryl looked at him with wide eyes and very surprised "r-really?" He stuttered out.  
"Yea really, just stay away from michonne. I wanna ask her out" Rick smiled hoping that would make Daryl smile.  
Daryl put his shoes back down and sat on the bed again "I don't think that's gonna be an issue man." He smirked and looked at the tv again. He had been holding that in for so long but he knew his dad and brother would both kill him if they knew. He knew he could trust Rick tho, he would trust Rick with his life.  
Rick looked at him again, with that look he always had when he had questions.  
"So are there any guys you like at school?"  
"Nope" Daryl said, still tryin to ignore Rick.  
"What about Shane?" Rick asked, he was just curious.  
"He's cute but nah, he's a dick."  
"You ever like me?" Rick asked seriously after thinking for a few seconds.  
Daryl looked at him straight faced for about 30 seconds before he busted out laughing.  
"What?! Why is that so funny? I'm a catch Dixon!" Rick said starting to smile too.  
"Shut up, you're my brother. Sorry to bust your little bubble" Daryl said shaking his head.  
"Well I neva!" Rick said with faux shock. 

They continued to be as close as brothers, telling each other everything, trusting each other with everything, practically connected at the hip. They were both more than friends, they were family. They would both die for each other no questions asked. Their bond was unbreakable and nothing could get in the way. 

Until the car wreck. Nothing would ever be the same again.


	2. Im not okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter gets dark quick.

It was about 6 months before graduation and both boys were so ready for high school to be over. Rick had been dating michonne all through high school and they were still so happy. After graduation he planned on going to college for criminal justice. He really wanted to do something with law enforcement but wasn't exactly sure about what yet. He would be lying to himself if he said working with kids in trouble didn't sound appealing, he thought maybe he could help kids in trouble like Daryl. Him and michonne had both been accepted to the same college, they planned on making this work for the long term. Rick already knew he wanted to marry her some day. 

Daryl didn't have a lot of plans after graduation. He was starting to apply at auto repair shops. He didn't have any big dreams but he knew he wasn't bad with his hands. He knew he could fix his motorcycle, well the motorcycle his brother left behind when he got locked up the last time, so fixing cars couldn't be that much harder. He was aiming for jobs near campus where Rick and michonne planned to attend, they all hoped they could get a house together to share. He couldn't wait to leave home and leave his shitty life behind. He wanted to start new with his best friend by his side. He could comfortably call michonne his friend now. He knew he could trust her, he saw how much she loved Rick and vice versa and that's all he really needed. Of course it took a while for him and michonne to bond. For the longest time she thought he hated her. Rick just had to explain how Daryl was, eventually they found common ground and got along better. 

Rick and Daryl were on their way to ricks house after grabbing a burger when it happened. Daryl was driving ricks car while Rick was trying to find something good on the radio. Daryl must have looked away from the road for a second to tell Rick something when a truck slammed into the passenger side door. The car flipped 4 times and landed in a ditch. Both boys where knocked unconscious. Daryl woke up in the emergency room to a nurse giving him stitches to his head.  
"Where am I? What happened?" He asked, still out of it and very confused.  
"You're in the emergency room honey, you and you're friend were in a bad accident. Do you remember what happened?" The nurse asked trying to sound comforting.  
"I think so, me and Rick were on...wait, where's Rick? Is he okay? Tell me he's okay!" He started to pull away from the nurse and look around the room for Rick.  
"Hun I'm gonna need you to stay still, your friend wasn't as lucky as you. He's in surgery now. But he's in good hands. Just worry about you right now".  
Daryl tried to calm down, Rick would be fine. Theres no way Rick would die. Rick can't die, he's going to do so much good and help so many people. He has so many people that love and care about him. If anyone was going to die it would be Daryl. He only has one person that cares about him and Daryl knew Rick would be fine without him. Daryl ended up being fine besides a few stitches on his head and some scratches and bruises. He was released later that day. As soon as he was released he went to ask about Rick. Rick was still in surgery. Man, it's been hours and he's not out yet? He thought. Nah he's fine. Rick was stubborn as hell, he would be fine. Had to be. He sat in the waiting room with ricks parents and michonne. He's guessing his parents called michonne as soon as they found out. Daryl knew michonne wasn't going anywhere and neither was he. 

Rick finally got out of surgery an hour later. Doctors told ricks parents that he was in a coma now. They didn't know when or if he would wake up. Daryl and michonne never left his side for days. Daryl would send michonne home to take showers and eat, promising he would call her if anything changed. She tried to do the same for him but he wouldn't have it. Rick was all he had, he couldn't stand the thought of something happening while he was gone. Daryl would talk to Rick when they were alone, begging him to wake up. Told him they had plans and he couldn't ruin them because he's a stubborn asshole. He was so bruised and had so many cuts, Daryl couldn't stand to look at him half the time. He begged and prayed for a miracle, the docs said it wasn't looking good. Daryl knew this was all his fault and once he got better he would do anything in his power to make it up to him. 

It had been 6 days when Rick finally opened one of his eyes, his right eye was swollen shut. Daryl yelled for the doctors to come quick. They kicked Daryl out while they examined Rick. While he was out he called michonne, he never heard her sound so happy the entire time he had known her. They said they never saw anything like it, Rick was doing so much better. After the doctors were done and left Daryl and Rick alone again, Rick glanced at Daryl. "So how long have you been here?"  
"Just as long as you but your lazy ass wouldn't wake up" he gave Rick a smirk. "You didn't go home once?" Rick sounded a little worried.  
"Nah, you're more important" Daryl sat back, relieved that Rick was awake and talking.  
"So how much ya remember?" Daryl asked after a few seconds.  
"Not much, I remember trying to find somethin to listen to...then bam! Here I am. Did I miss anything good?" Rick asked  
"Nah just me and michonne worrying about your sorry ass." Daryl actually smiled that time, letting it sink in that his brother is actually going to be okay.  
"Hey Daryl?" Rick asked looking back as him.  
"Ya?" Daryl answered worrying something was wrong.  
"You stink, go home and take a shower, I'm fine but my nose may not be for much longer." Rick joked smiling like nothing was wrong.  
"You're such a prick, why did I want you to wake up again?" Daryl smiled as he got up to leave.  
"I guess you love me or somethin" Rick smiled again.  
"Nah that couldn't be it. I'll be back, michonne is on her way here. Be good while I'm gone."  
Daryl left after that, he hadn't noticed because he was so worried but God he did stink. He saw michonne pull up as he drove off on his motorcycle, he waved as he drove by. Daryl went home to take a shower and grab something to eat and maybe a nap. His dad was usually at the bar by this time so he didn't have to worry about him. He was home for about 5 hours before he went back. When he got back to ricks hospital room everyone was crying. Michonne came up to him and gave him a hug while she cried into his chest. He was so confused, Rick was fine when he left. Hell he was awake and talking, smiling and joking. What happened?  
"He's gone Daryl. The doctors said he had bleeding in the brain, they didn't catch it in time. He went down hill after you left. The doctors did everything they could. He's gone". She broke down again and held on to Daryl for dear life. He felt a tear fall down his cheek. He couldn't believe it. His second half, gone, just like that. No this can't be right. This had to be a bad dream. This is more of a nightmare. He tried to wake himself up but it did no good. Rick was still laying there lifeless and it was all his fault. All of a sudden Daryl couldn't breath. He pushed michonne away and practically ran out of the hospital. He got on his motorcycle and just drove. He drove until he was out of gas and just sat there on the side of the road. God he was so stupid. He should have been paying attention to the road. Now Rick would never graduate. Rick would never follow his dreams. Rick would never help any one. Rick would never marry michonne. Rick would never have kids. Rick would never do anything because he couldn't watch the damn road. Daryl sat there for hours, just thinking about how much of a fuck up he was. Why couldn't it have been him? It's not like people care about him? It's not like he has any plans or dreams. No one loves him. What can he bring to the world? He was probably going to be a fuck up like Merle now. Rick was the only thing keeping him straight. God he never hated himself more than at that moment. Michonne would hate him now and he wouldn't blame her one bit. Ricks parents too. He took Rick away from them. He took Rick away from everyone. He didn't even get to say goodbye. He was too worried about him self, too worried about his stomach. He could have waited. He should have waited. Rick had just woke up and Daryl left his side. He let another tear slip out and wiped it away. He couldn't cry. He didn't deserve to cry. This was all his fault. 

He walked home after a few hours of just sitting there hating himself. He left his bike there. He didn't give a shit about it anymore. He just layed in bed for hours, trying to fall asleep, thinking about how this was all his fault. He wasn't sure what he should do next. He went and stole a bottle of jack from his dad. He didn't care if he got beat or not. He got more drunk than he's ever been before. He finally blacked out, he woke up 15 hours later. He guessed all the not sleeping the past week finally got to him. After a few days of getting black out drunk off his fathers alcohol he got a call from michonne.  
"Are you okay? I haven't heard from you since the hospital." She sounded really worried, she knew Daryl wouldn't know how to process any of this but she figured he needed space.  
"'M fine" he slurred, still kinda drunk.  
"Daryl can I come over? Or do you wanna meet some where? You don't sound good."  
"'M fine. Fuck off" Daryl practically yelled in the phone and hung up. Daryl knew he fucked up once again. He knew she was just trying to help. He didn't deserve it tho. He wanted and needed to feel as bad as possible right now. He got a text later that day from michonne with the funeral details. Apparently it was the next day. Should Daryl go? Did he deserve to say good bye? It was his fault after all. People probably wouldn't want him there. Daryl decided he needed to drink again and forget all about it. 

The next day Daryl woke up about an hour before the funeral. He decided he at least wanted to go see the funeral. He didn't want to talk to anyone tho. Him and his bottle of jack showed up and stayed about 20 feet away leaning up against a tree just out of eye site. He didn't think anyone noticed him. Everyone was so sad. He couldn't stand to watch them anymore. He did this. Daryl took a few long swigs off the bottle and walked away. He didn't deserve closure. If only Rick could see him now. An alcoholic like his good ol' dad. Rick would be so proud. That thought only made everything worse. Rick would hate seeing him like this and he knew it. He couldn't stop tho. Didn't know how to stop, how to stop the pain. Blacking out was the only thing that made it better. 

It had been about a month now. Daryl dropped out of school. Daryl only left the house to buy more alcohol, he wasn't legal but he knew where his brother had always got his before he got locked up. He had already spent most of the money he was saving for the house with Rick and michonne. The plans he was looking so forward to until he ruined everyone's lives. In reality he knew he never deserved any of this. He never deserved as good a friend as Rick. He never deserved a friend like michonne. He never deserved to get out of this hell hole. He didn't deserve any of it. He was numb these days and he liked it like that. He couldn't feel a damn thing. He wondered if he would ever feel anything ever again, it's not like he deserved anything but numbness and pain. 

Another month went by with nothing but black outs and numbness. When he's not drunk all he can think about is ricks dead body, laying there lifeless and bruised. All because of him. That thought alone makes him want to either black out or kill himself. He has chosen to black out for now. Michonne had tried to call and text but he didn't answer. He thinks she came and knocked on the door a few times too but he ignored her. After about a month he thinks she gave up. He hoped so anyways. He hadn't really fought with his dad in awhile. Maybe his dad liked him better if he was an alcoholic like him. He decided in a drunken state that he wanted to piss his dad off. Try to get him to beat the hell out of him. Maybe he would feel something. He knew just what to do to piss him off. He turned on his radio full blast and waited. He heard his dad yell to turn that shit down before he was sorry. After a few minutes his bedroom door swung open and there he was. Daryl had to admit he was kinda happy it worked. He barged in and threw Daryl up against the wall "I said turn that shit down!" He yelled in his face. "Fuck you" Daryl mumbled.  
"What was that boy? Speak up! I can't hear ya!" He yelled again.  
"Fuck you!" Daryl yelled and braced himself for what he knew was coming next. His dad punched him in the face twice and threw him down on the ground and kicked him a few times in the ribs. He tried to make his way over to the radio but Daryl tried to trip him. He proceeded to kick Daryl in the ribs until they both heard a loud crack as his ribs broke. Daryl laid motionless on the floor. He walked over and threw the radio against the wall breaking it, spit on Daryl, and he slammed the door shut. Daryl actually smirked when he was alone again. He actually felt something. Daryl slowly crawled his way to the bathroom and spit a mouth full of blood in the sink. He was about to clean up the blood from his nose and bandage up his ribs but decided fuck it and he got drunk again. 

Another 2 months full of drinking, black outs, and pissing his dad off on purpose just to feel something. He already spent all the money he had saved and sold his motorcycle to buy more alcohol. Maybe he should just end it. Nothing could be worse than this. After all the pain he's caused it's not like anyone would miss him. Rick was the only person who would ever miss him and he was already dead. Daryl killed him. The world would be better off without him. Rick was the one that was supposed to live. Fuck he just wanted all this to be over. He decided to get a bunch of drugs and try to over dose. He didn't even know what the drugs were but his dad liked them so they should work. He took a hand full with half a bottle of jack and laid in the bathroom floor. The cold tile against his skin while he waited for it to be over was the last thing he remembered. 

He woke up 4 hours later in a hospital bed, God he couldn't even kill himself right. One of his dad's friends must have found him, it's not like his dad would care if he tried to kill himself. He insisted it was a one time thing. That he would never try it again. Since he's 18, after a 72 hour hold he was released. He went home and looked in the mirror. He had lost about 30 pounds these last 4 months since Rick died. He looked like the walking dead, all bones and bruises. He had basically been surviving off of alcohol these past months. He couldn't even remember the last time he had a good meal. Probably that last burger he had with Rick before he got him killed. He punched the glass and shattered the mirror. He didn't even bother getting the glass out of his hands before he picked up a bottle and started drinking again. He eventually blacked out again.

A few days later he was drinking again, his daily routine since Rick died. He had a thought that wouldn't get out of his head, he wondered if ricks room still looked the same. He decided he was gonna find out. He made his way to ricks house and climbed through his window like he did all those times in the past. Only this time he was alone, he regretted it as soon as he got inside. Everything was exactly the same. Everything was so Rick, it even still smelled like him. He sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. What was he even doing here? What was he doing with his life? Is he just going to drink himself to death? There has to be an easier way to end it than that. He was contemplating trying again when he noticed there was still some razors on the sink in ricks bathroom. He thought that would work. It might be kind of poetic to kill himself in the house of the man he killed. God he was fucked up he thought. He grabbed a razor and laid in the bathtub, didn't want to make a mess after all. Ricks parents probably wanted him dead just as much as he did so he would be helping them out. He brought the razor up to his wrist and pressed until he saw blood, he kept going until he had a huge deep cut down his forearm and did the right arm after that. He wanted to make sure he succeeded this time. He felt the warm blood pouring out of his arms, it felt oddly calming. After a few minutes he passed out. 

He woke up in the hospital again, fuck why couldn't people just let him die? That's all he wanted. For this to be over. For the numbness and depression to go away. He didn't deserve to live, he didn't deserve to get better. He killed the best person he had ever known. He killed his brother. He deserved to die. He just laid there and looked at the bandages on his arms. The last time he was awake they were covered in blood. Now they were covered in clean white bandages. Turns out Ricks parents had heard someone up stairs and called the police. They got there just in time to save him after he passed out. They stopped the blood lose as best as they could and rushed him to the hospital. He had 32 stitches in his left arm and 27 in his right. 

He decided he might as well take a nap, it's not like he had anything else to do. He woke up to the last person he ever expected to see. Michonne was sitting there staring at him with a very worried expression on her face.  
"What the hell Daryl?" She asked, she hasn't seen him and months and now she just wants to help. It's killing her to see one of her friends like this.  
"'M fine, told you that" he mumbled and looked away.  
"Yea you look great, I like those bandages. New fashion statement?" She said dripping with sarcasm.  
"Don't worry about me, go home". He couldn't even look at her, when he did all he saw was the future Rick and michonne were suppose to have. What they had before Daryl ruined it.  
"It's a little late for that Daryl, I want to help you! Tell me how to help you!" She begged, she couldn't stand it.  
"Ya can't, I did this to myself and I'm not gonna stop until I succeed. I don't deserve to live after wha I did. I ruined everything. I took him from you, from everyone." Daryl still didn't look at her but he felt himself tearing up. He still hasn't let himself cry over ricks death and he wasn't going to start now. Not with michonne there of all people. Michonne should be so pissed at him, michonne should hate him. He wished she did.  
"How much have you been drinking? You were drunk when they found you passed out in a pool of your own blood"  
"Like 2 bottles of jack a day probably, not that it matters."  
"You need help Daryl, you can't keep doing this. You can't live like this."  
"Well good because I don't want to live."  
"I'm going to talk to your doctor, I'll be back." She said as she stood up.  
"Whatever". He said, acting like he didn't care. 

Michonne went out into the hall way and told a nurse to get the doctor. When he arrived she told him about what Daryl said. About him not wanting to live and that he wouldn't stop until he was dead. How depressed he was, how much weight he has lost, how much alcohol he had been drinking. She told him everything hoping he would do something, anything to help her friend. 

After michonne came back they sent a Phycologist in to interview Daryl. Michonne got up and kissed his forehead, she looked at him with such pain in her eyes. Then she left. Great now he's causing her even more pain. Daryl answered every question the guy asked honestly. It's not like he had anything to lose. He told him how he wasn't going to stop until he succeeded. The guy was nice, he went and talked to the doctor. Turned out all the truth he told was getting him sent to an inpatient program to try to help him get better. He was getting transferred in a few hours. He started to struggle. He didn't want to be locked up somewhere with a bunch of crazy people. Was he crazy? Hell maybe he was. He started to fight against the nurses and Doctor, trying to leave. They ended up giving him a shot of something to knock him out. 

He woke up in a whole new building laying on a bed, he didn't even try to move for a long time. He figured he was at the crazy house by now. He heard someone else come in the room and shuffle around. He turned his head to look and saw someone about his age. He had long shoulder length straight brown hair, a beanie on, and a pretty decent length beard. He looked normal enough. Why was he in a place like this? He didn't look sad or depressed, hell he was even smiling. The man sat down in the other bed flipping open a book and glanced over at him noticing that he was awake.  
"Hey you're up!" He looked generally happy to see him awake. Daryl just stared at him and didn't move.  
"I guess you're my new roommate. My name is Paul Rovia, but my friends used to call me Jesus. Your pick."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this all made sense. I did try to look up some stuff on being commited and the process. I could be wrong on how this works but we will just say that's how it works in this universe.


End file.
